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Common Sexual Issues and Challenges
Your sexuality is both very powerful and very sensitive.
There are many forms that this sensitivity can take and in this section I want to mention some in rather medical terms to connect to the ordinary therapy world where they talk about “sexual dysfunction” and see your body as a machine that has gone wrong. This is not my view or the tantric view. You may also wish to see the Quiz .
Low Sexual Desire If you are stressed or tired then a low sex drive can easily result; but for some women the problem lasts for a long time and can cause difficulties in relationship. Psychological and social factors may contribute to this. It is important that you can find your own forms of sexual pleasure for yourself not for others. You may suffer from little or no interest in sex, inability to fantasise, pain during intercourse (due to dryness), lack of sensation in your genitals or problems experiencing orgasm.
Lack of Arousal Arousal is the body’s physiological response to sexual touch or fantasy. It usually includes lubrication in the vagina, erotic sensations in the body and increased blood flow, especially in the genitals and breasts. Lack of arousal may include reduced lubrication, pain during penetration, lack of sensation in genitals or lack of orgasmic response.
Lack of Orgasm (Anorgasmia) This simply means you have not had an orgasm yet and so the term pre-orgasmic is better. For many women it takes some practice and exploration to discover your own unique orgasmic pattern. Every woman can become multi-orgasmic. You are simply in a phase of your life where you have not yet experienced orgasm. It is also important to realise that orgasm is not a goal it is simply a great experience. Your body already has an orgasmic response within which needs support to manifest; it knows how to orgasm. The writing by Annie Sprinkle on the varieties of orgasm may be useful see Annie’s Guide.
Discomfort or Pain (Dyspareunia, Vulvodynia Vestibulitis) This may arise during sex from lack of lubrication, loss of desire or arousal, a tightening of the vaginal muscles (Vaginismus). In other cases there may be a painful or burning sensation at the entrance of the vagina (or pain within the vagina). All of these are physiological responses but they may be caused by psychological issues. For example, if at some point you have experienced sexual trauma, you may later experience vaginal tightness which makes penetration painful or impossible, even if consciously you desire it. It is also important to check for physical causes such as infections and treat as well. Becoming aware of the unconscious messages of the body, and releasing the physical memory of past experiences opens the way to a natural sexual response and pleasurable sensations.
Pelvic Conditions (Salpingitis, Endometritis, Polycysitc Ovary Syndrome - PCSO, Pelvic Inflammatory Disease). These very different conditions can have many causes including infections, hormonal imbalances and physical problems from chronic constipation to childbirth. The pelvis is quite crowded with bladder, reproductive organs, gut and bowel, and much can, unfortunately go wrong. Proper medical diagnosis and treatment is essential, however underneath the immediate causes, there will be issues that could be positively improved by touch and regular deep, vaginal and full body orgasms. Bringing awareness and aliveness to an often neglected part of the body (“down there”!) can only help. Building the orgasmic response leads to deeper breathing, increased blood flow, increased movement and muscular contractions and relaxation in the pelvis. It is likely that lack of this has caused or aggravated the conditions as improved blood flow and movement help cells to remove toxins and bring oxygen.
Many physical illness have a psychological origin and nowhere is the mind and the body more closely intertwined than in our sexual centre. In tantric terms, the first and the second chakras form the foundation of our body and our energy system and connect us to the Earth and our basic life energy for survival and creation. The second chakra is also connected to deeply held feelings. A combination of tantric healing massage, orgasm coaching, energy psychology and therapy methods like voice dialogue form a powerful set of approaches to make fundamental changes starting in as session and continuing with the “homeplay” meditations and practices I often give. As well as bodywork sessions, Skype sessions can be done between actually “hands on” sessions to provide support and continuity making this a form of ongoing tantric therapy. This is part of the development of tantric psychotherapy and a book will be published on this work in late 2014.